Some days it is really hard to have faith when everything seems to fall apart. When it feels like everyone you love is eventually ripped from you. When tough things happen to those you love. You want to have faith and keep believing but damn, why does bad keep happening.
I got a call from my dad today and it started off like most conversations, simple and about the kids. But I always know when he calls instead of texts that he has something to tell me.
Pedal back a few months, my dad has been dealing with some health issues and it feels like we get bad news, semi okay news, more bad news, good news, and bad news again. This time, if the cycle continued we were due for bad news and that’s what we got.
They found another tumor.
I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this rollercoaster has been for my dad because he’s the one living it. He’s the one given bad news, good news, bad news. Talk about mind f!@#. I’m just over here taking in the news each time and it is tearing me apart. What it must be like for him to lay awake at night thinking about everything that he is going through.
At 36 I don’t even feel like I can get attached to anyone or anything anymore. If I love it, it’ll probably be taken from me. Now don’t get me wrong, I am also very grateful for what I have. And I DO recognize what I’m blessed with but I can’t downplay what I keep losing and that’s people I love.
I’m going to stay as positive as possible for my dad. I’m going to try my very best to keep my faith through this journey with him. And I’m going to hope like hell I get to keep my dad around. To continue building our relationship, to watch him bond with his grandkids, and to live his life.
If you have a moment, you’ve kept your faith, and you pray, please consider saying a prayer for my dad and his health.